How to solve Canberra bad driving behaviours.
By a local who’s seen some things… and have been shared numerous amounts of complaints.
The Morning Commute Nightmare
Picture this – you live on the south side and have the fortune of having a job somewhere in the vicinity of "Civic" or "Canberra City."
Your job starts at 9am, and you have the dreaded task of needing to drive on the parkway. You're normally an early morning person and love getting coffee prior to starting work.
But that cold has settled in overnight, the frost is on your car, and you decided to sleep in for 10 minutes. Because of that slight luxury and inconvenience, you have now been selected to join the Tuggeranong Parkway Speedway – where the race is to see who can get into the city the fastest with no care for lines or merge signs, let alone personal space.
As you get closer and closer to your destination, you can't help but feel like you're being followed as you see a glimpse of high beams riding up your backside (even though you're in the left lane and going the speed limit).
The aim is to win the race to get a parking spot, but if you're late and lose, don't worry, because you get to do it all over again in the afternoon heading home.
This is a typical scenario of the average drive in Canberra.
I asked the question "What is an annoyance in Canberra that only a Canberran would understand?" and the overwhelming majority of responses were car-related.
So how do we solve these problems?
I'm not an expert, but I'm going to share some observations that perhaps we can examine as a collective community – and maybe we can reward some good behaviors too.
1) The Art of the Canberra Merge
How do you know it's going to be a rough drive to work? If there's a merge lane anywhere between your home and destination.
Canberrans somehow have collectively defined merging lanes as:
Spot a merge lane ending 300 metres ahead
Immediately panic as though the road behind is turning into lava
Disregard everyone around you
Swerve violently or extremely slowly into the continuing lane, preferably without checking mirrors
Create a traffic jam that extends back to the previous suburb
Heaven forbid we use the entire merging lane that was built specifically for merging at its end point.
"But what would I do with all that extra road?" asks the average Canberra driver, while simultaneously complaining on Facebook's Canberra Notice Board about the traffic congestion.
How do we solve this? Perhaps with a bit of patience and a collective understanding of how zippers and long lanes work. We often see those signs with smiley faces on the LED display when you're going the speed limit – perhaps we can place these at merge lanes and give a thumbs up to people who merge correctly and thumbs down to those who don't?
2) Tailgating: So Close I Can Smell You
Now, this is an ongoing argument about slow drivers in the right "fast" lane, but I'm talking just in general on this one.
The logic seems to be: "If I drive six centimeters from this person's bumper, surely they will recognize my superior importance and my need to be in front."
Reality check – sorry, you're not superior, and it's not just you on the road. With that attitude, you'll more than likely end up being mentioned on ABC radio at 6:50am or 4:45pm when they're indicating that there's been "A crash on XYZ road."
For this issue, I think we need again to exercise a bit of patience and kindness, as well as learning to stick to your lane (slow, go in the left; fast, go in the right). What's the rush anyway? It's not like we're too far from anywhere in Canberra.
3) Roundabout Roulette
I'm going to be open and honest here and say I don't want to talk about this one too much because if there's any city that should have experience with roundabouts, it should be us.
Please keep your eyes open, but also – how scary is the roundabout on Anzac Parade? I think we all can say that we've been caught out on that one a couple of times. No? Maybe it's just me.
A Modest Proposal
Since our city planners insist on building roads (or the lack thereof) that bring out our inner Mad Max, I have proposed a few solutions:
1 Replace all merging signs with: "USE THE ENTIRE LANE, KAREN. THE WHOLE THING."
2 Install eject-o-seato-cuz seats which are activated by tailgating. Too close for too long? WHOOSH – Up you go with the hot air balloons.
3 Install special sensors that detect when a driver fails to indicate at a roundabout and automatically play "Cotton Eye Joe" at maximum volume through their car speakers for the next 24 hours. (That suggestion came from my AI assistant – I legitimately laughed.)
4 A formal letter of embarrassment should be sent to you if your car is posted on Aus Dash Cams – The letter gives you a direct link to the video and advises you that in 10 days it will be shared to the Canberra Notice Board.
5 Bring back car rego stickers – only the colors represent your driving habits. Green – good as gold; yellow – you tailgate every so often; red – you probably own a Hilux and need to aim to do better.
In Conclusion
In all seriousness – Canberra is a wonderful city to drive around in – wide roads, stunning scenery, and though traffic does get bad sometimes, it's nothing in comparison to other major cities in Australia.
We could all benefit from having a bit more patience and empathy on the roads. (Who knows what someone has had to endure in the morning or at work?) Let's be the good example and do what's right, and not post on social media when you've experienced something wrong. (Unless you send it to AUS DASH CAMS, of course.)
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